It's funny to me that those who claim to be atheists or agnostics look down on Christians as emotional or mental wimps needing a crutch to get through life while Christian leaders are warning their congregations more and more often that the Christian life is not for the faint hearted. Since I have followed Christ as best I could for almost 48 years now. I have an opinion. This is not the life for anyone seeking an easy ride and if miracles along your journey do not excite you, then this is definitely not the way for you to go. I've come to the conclusion that the life Jesus asks us to live is impossible without His miraculous power.
There was one event in my life that allowed me to compare life with God and life without. That event was divorce. My husband and I were divorced the first time when we were 25 years old and had been married 5 years. At the time, I thought I was a Christian because I believed that Jesus was the son of God, however, I had not committed my life to Him. I attended church when I chose and didn't want to get too involved with the people. I believed I was in control of my life and should be!
So, opting for divorce as an answer to my problems I believed it was entirely up to me to make my life a success. But why wouldn't I, I was capable, I reasoned. However, I was not prepared for the demons of fear, worry, and loneliness that took up residence with me. I learned quickly that when any of them became overwhelming I had choices of medications...alcohol, food, men, or money. But none of them brought permanent relief and all of them left lingering consequences that brougtht greater misery.
For no reason I've ever discerned, my children who had only seen their doctor for shots and well check-ups were suddenly being rushed to the emergency room with spiking temperatures or bleeding injuries. No matter how long or hard I worked I couldn't get ahead. What didn't go to the hospital went to the baby-sitter or to a member of my own family who took my rent money while I was at work. The men who claimed to be enamored of me quickly proved to be untrustworthy and alcohol was out of the question since I needed to be clear-headed to worry. Yet, I was proud to be in control of my life and decisions.
The result of five long months of that agony brought me face to face with a question of life and death. Nothing short of that seemed to break through my stubbornness. At that moment, to my everlasting gratitude Jesus came to me. My life was redeemed and I was converted.
I remarried my husband and we were married for the next 27 years then we were divorced again. The second time I thought I was prepared for the loneliness, doubt, and brokenness that divorce produces. However, doing things God's way rather than hardening my heart and medicating my feelings was even more painful than before. It was intensely painful to try to keep a tender, open heart toward those who were angry, judgmental, or critical with me. I quoted Psalms 46:1(paraphrased) to myself every few minutes for years. "God, You're my refuge and strength, my ever persent help in times of trouble."
I could never have forgiven those around me if He had not constantly touched my emotions and directed my steps (through others as well as the Holy Spirit). There's no way to describe the heartache of remorse or the despair of dying dreams and desires. However, because God comforted me I've been able to come into peace with every person and I still have friends today who proved to be so trustworthy they walked through the deepest valley with me. There were times I was alone but I was never lonely like I was the first time and every obstacle of potential defeat has crumbled before it could do me permanent harm.
There were so many times I wanted to cut and run from the pain or problem I was facing, but without fail God sent soneone(s) to encourage me to continue. He really doesn't give up and if I hold onto Him I won't either. I learned it takes courage, real courage, and strength of character to lean on Jesus alone when I'm walking in unfamiliar territoy. But it seems like the Lord can only bring about His victory in my life if I follow Him through the flood or fire of traumatic circumstances. That means I've got to be all in with Jesus lest I wound someone by my selfishness.
Thinking about it, I've got to admit the rationales' of the atheists or agnostics make me smile when I hear them. I know what they don't. I have fought (and suffered) to become strong and courageous. That's not something their arguments can take away.
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