It's All About Him

In 1966 as a twenty-something young woman I entered into a walk with God. As often happens, I'm more grateful everyday that He sent a mentor, Barbara, to come along side me to share her experience, strength, and hope. She taught me to hear Jesus' voice and recognize the path I was seeking. One of the first principles I learned was to daily entrust my life and my will to Gods care as I understood Him to be my guide and Lord.

Many years later I was nearing sixty when I attended a week long conference at my church. There was only one speaker and he only had one message, "Walking with Jesus is not about me, it's all about Him."

As I left the church after the second evening I was bored! How could I sit through a full week of such old information, I wondered? There wasn't anything the man said that I hadn 't heard a million times! Silently, I began to complain to the Lord, "Isn't there anyone who knows You better than I do anymore? Is there any minister who can inspire me rather than plow up old ground?" I was on a roll, waxing more eloquent with each complaint when the Lord spoke to me.

"If you know this so well, why aren't you teaching it?" He asked.

That shut me up! As I pondered the question searching for an answer I realized I had been deceived. Because I had heard the principle, could even quote it, I thought I was living it. But the truth was I had many internal conflicts that were caused by my own ambitions and desires. Many of my thoughts and prayers reflected my discontent and I had not seen it until now.

I repented for my rotten attitude before I reached home and asked God to shine His light on my heart. However, even though I listened with a new hope for the rest of the week I knew I had not had a breakthrough. I was merely more convinced every evening that there was a missing element in my relationship with Jesus and I needed to find it. I bought all of the speaker's tapes when the conference was over.

In the next weeks I completed the move to the Dallas area I had been planning. My job turned out to be about thirty miles by highway from my house. For three months I played those tapes over and over. As soon as one ended, I replaced it with the next. Going and coming from my work I listened and prayed that God was changing my heart so that I could change my mind.

Finally, one day I knew I had it. A friend was dealing me grief, but instead of thinking about myself my prayers were all about how to help her. As Time passed I realized my ambitions and desires for myself were fading while my concerns for those around me were growing.

On one of the tapes the teacher had said, "If we experience the glorious joy of God touching someones life through us then we will become hooked." I agree. Like the old Jane Wyman and Rock Hudson movie, it makes for a "magnificent obsession."